I don't give up

     Maybe that's the one attribute of mine that will save my ass, or maybe it is my demise. Either way, my faith is in God and I can't actually tell one or the other, but I do know, I just don't give up. This mid life shit is crazy, and now all of the things that I thought about doing are now feeling impossible , like quite literally , impossible . There isn't enough time, and the weight of the universe is crushing me.

    I spent my first day off feeling this dread all day, and my wife tried all day to pry me open, but it wasn't until I made her laugh that evening I finally relaxed. Of course, not enough to tell her what was bothering me all day, but enough to feel better.

    Sometimes I fear that the only thing I have done right, are the easiest things to do. Clean house, hold a job, love my children, be loyal to my wife, please my wife on every level..... but I never , EVER fucking invested in my future.... why? Did I not think I would make it that far? What was the reason for never treating money like a tool and instead I treated it like the black plague . What on earth have I been so afraid of ? THIS WHOLE TIME? And NOW, NOOOOOOOWWWWWW I am middle aged and got nothing.

    And then you make your wife laugh and you realize how much you do have, and its immense value in it. Don't mistake this as an excuse for not being wealthy, but the gratitude of having my wonderful wife and these beautiful kids is not to be forgotten .

    But this isn't about the gratitude, this is about getting wealthy.

    I want to still make games, but I need to put the net out there, and get prepared for massive wealth generation. It is the same game plan as before, but this time, we are going to actually work for it.

    I

    Don't

    Give

    Up